Chapter 6 – Yodaville

The beat-up old Hyundai rattled to a stop in front of the Best Western in Yuma, Arizona. Before Digger could step fully out of the car, Val was rushing out to meet him, looking stunning in a simple denim skirt and pink sleeveless blouse.

“Took you long enough,” she said. “Where’ve you been?”

“Long story,” Digger said.

“Well, I don’t have time to hear it,” Val said. “We need to get going.”

“Can’t I at least put my stuff in my room?” Digger asked. “Turn the air conditioner on?”

“You could, if we weren’t already running behind,” Val answered.

“Don’t jerk me around, Val. I’ve been driving a long damn time, and it’s hot as balls out here,” Digger said, flapping his poncho for emphasis.

Val wrinkled her nose at the wave of stink that struck her a moment later. “Well if you’re so hot, why are you wearing that damn poncho?”

“I’m incognito,” Digger said. “Besides, stench and misery are part of the Digger mystique. But all I want right now is to go to my room, crank up the air conditioning, take a shower and lie down for a while.”

“I’ll meet you halfway,” Val said. “Unload your stuff and wash your face, then we’re going.”

Inside the room, Digger dropped his suitcase on the bed, then twisted the air conditioner dial all the way to the right. As cool dry air began to flow, he headed for the sink, stripping off his poncho and shirt. He heard Val make a small sound of surprise.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

“Hell happened,” Digger said, staring at the mirror over the sink, looking at the network of scars across his chest, a record of the worst years of his life carved into his flesh by fangs and claws and worse.

“Oh yeah,” Val said, sitting on the bed. They hadn’t spoken much since he’d found his way back. “I guess I just didn’t think it was that bad. You know, Norse hell is just kind of cold and boring.”

“That’s not the one I was in,” Digger said over the sound of water running.

“I can tell,” Val said. “Dad went there once, you know. He doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“Neither do I,” said Digger as he ran a washcloth under his armpits.

“He doesn’t have scars like that, though.”

“Well, Asgardians probably heal up better than us normal folk.”

Val smiled at him in the mirror. “There’s nothing normal about you.”

Digger draped the wet washcloth over the edge of the sink and turned to look at her. She leaned back on her elbows, which just seemed to accentuate the curve of her breasts. Her short skirt had ridden up on her thighs, and she hadn’t aged a day in the ten years he’d known her. “Is that a compliment?”

“Not entirely,” Val said slyly. She had always enjoyed flrting with him, keeping him off-balance. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t the old days. She was married now, off limits.

“Ready?” she asked.

“For what?”

“To go.”

Digger shook his head and walked over to his suitcase, unzipped it. “Not yet. Tell me about this kid I’m working with.”

“What’s to tell?” Val asked. “He’s really strong, and he has no idea what to do with it.”

“So what do you expect me to do with him?” Digger said as he pulled on a fresh blue-on-blue shirt, exactly like the one he’d just stripped off. “I’m not exactly the poster boy for restraint.”

“Just share your wisdom with him,” Val said. “Curtis and I have confidence in you.”

“Rusk? Are you calling the shots on this thing, or is he?”

Val stepped up to him and kissed him on the forehead. Digger felt his face grow hot. “I’m Operations, he’s Logistics. And we both want you on the team.”

Digger nodded, not meeting her eyes. “Okay, let’s go.”

Val smiled and waved a hand. A round portal opened up behind her, a hole in space-time whose edges cycled through the colors of the visible spectrum. It was dark on the other side; he saw silvery bushes limned by moonlight, and heard the sound of crickets. Really big crickets.

“Aw, geez, Val, do we have to? You know I hate bridging through Asgard.”

“We could have driven there if you’d gotten here earlier,” Val said. “Come on, don’t be a baby.”

“Damn it,” Digger muttered and stepped through the portal.

Once through, Val immediately opened up another portal to their destination. Bright light shone through, and Digger saw a small town shimmering in the waves of late-afternoon heat that washed over them. He stumbled through the portal, then fell to his knees and vomited onto the sand. “Ugh, I hate that!” Digger said.

“I don’t see your problem with it,” Val said.

Digger wiped off his mouth with the edge of his hand. “It’s hard to explain. Its like going from freezing cold to burning hot to freezing cold again, only, you know, spiritually or something. Makes me dizzy.”

“Okay, well…” The rest of her sentence was drowned out by the sound of an explosion nearby.

Digger snapped into a ready position, the Driller Beam Generators powering up with a snap and a whine.

“It’s okay, Digger. It’s just the guys,” Val said as she hooked a phone earpiece over her right ear. “Curtis? It’s me, we’re here.”

As Digger let the Drillers power back down, he squinted at the town on whose outskirts they stood. The buildings, it turned out, were not buildings at all, but semi-trailers and corrugated steel shipping containers stacked one atop another and whitewashed. The ‘buildings’ were randomly dotted with holes of various sizes. Junked cars, dented and rusting, sat on bare rims in the street, fragments of glass glistening at the edges of empty windshields like transparent teeth. The main street wasn’t even paved, he saw, but simply sand painted black.

“This isn’t a real town at all,” Digger said.

“No, it’s not. Welcome to Yodaville,” Val said. “This is a military training area set up to look like a town so pilots can practice bombing urban targets. We have a few days before our headquarters is ready to move into, so we’re training here, where we don’t have to worry about property damage or civilians.”

Digger tensed. The ground shook, making his feet tingle. Fresh vibrations set up a steady rhythm, like footsteps. Something big was approaching. “Jeez, Val, you got a dinosaur on the team or what?”

Val smiled. “No, not a dinosaur.”

A huge robot, well over 12 feet tall, emerged from behind one of the ‘houses’ and advanced toward them.

Digger’s eyes widened and he smiled. “Okay, I gotta admit, that’s cool.”

Another figure, at least a foot shorter than Digger and nearly equal parts broad and tall, followed in the robot’s wake. He was dressed for a day at the beach in a flowered shirt and shorts. His nearly bald head gleamed in the sun, and his beard bristled as he grinned at the sight of Digger. And then Doctor Jolt flew into view, the hoverfans attached to his equipment belt blowing his long coat out in all directions and stirring up a cloud of dust as he settled to the sand next to the giant machine and the dwarf.

“Digger!” said the dwarf. “About time.”

“How’s it hanging, Angar?” Digger reached out to shake hands with the dwarf. Angar slapped his hand away and lunged forward to crush him in a hug.

“It’s great to see you,” Angar said.

“Still working on the tan, I see.”

Angar’s skin was a deep caramel brown, almost as dark as Doctor Jolt’s. His beard had bleached in the sun to almost exactly the same color. The effect was a little creepy. “Love the sun. Love it. Can’t get enough.”

“Especially since it doesn’t turn you to stone,” Digger said.

“Weak as milk, this sun. Love it,” Angar repeated.

“Where’s Whiz?” Val asked.

“Taking a…” the robot began to say in a heavily filtered, mechanical voice, then stopped.

“He’s using the facilities,” Doctor Jolt said.

“You got a guy named Whiz who’s a super-urinator?” Digger asked.

“No, he’s…”

“Like I haven’t heard that a million times,” said an unfamiliar voice as a gust of wind stirred up a huge cloud of dust around the group. When the dust cleared, Digger saw a skinny guy in a blue-and-yellow costume like he’d seen on the Phoenix Phront cartoon poster. Cutouts at the tops of his boots, gloves and cowl formed stylized “W’s.”

“Digger, this is Whiz, from Chicago. He’s our speedster,” Val said.

“What happened to Pyrogena?” Digger asked.

“Funny thing. She still refuses to be in the same room as you,” Val said, then turned to place her hand on the leg of the giant robot looming over them all. “And this is X-tron 12, Space Robot. He’s a newbie, but a heavy hitter.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said the robot.

“Don’t tell me,” Digger said. “You fly, and you’re really strong.”

“That is correct,” X-tron replied.

“Jeez, Val, seriously?” Digger asked. “Don’t we have anybody who can do something other than punch stuff?”

Doctor Jolt cleared his throat.

“Okay, Doc, I’m sorry,” Digger said. “I just…”

“I also have these,” X-Tron said as hatches popped open along his arms, revealing gatling guns and laser cannon. A missile launcher unfolded itself from his back and locked into place over his right shoulder. His chest split down the middle and opened up like a set of double doors to reveal stubby twin cannon barrels.

“Wow,” Digger said. “Okay, problem solved.”

“I can also also hear sounds in the hypersonic and subsonic ranges, and perceive the entire electromagnetic spectrum, including police and military radio channels. My telescopic lenses can read a newspaper headline from low orbit, and with enough time to reconfigure, I can perform chemical or spectrographic analysis as well as thermal or magnetic resonance imaging.”

“So you’re just a big electronic Swiss Army knife. Good to know,” Digger said. “What happens if we lose you?”

Doctor Jolt cleared his throat again.

“Jeez, Doc, I swear I am not trying to insult you,” Digger said.

“And yet you’re managing quite well,” the Doctor said.

“”Come on, Doc, it’s not as if you can do everything.”

“Prove it,” the Doctor said.

“The chance of losing me is exceedingly remote,” X-Tron said. “I am very durable. By the time I fell, chances are you would all have fallen as well.”

Digger looked at Val. “Cocky, isn’t he?”

“We all are,” Val answered. “With good reason. We’re the best.”

“Hey,” Whiz said. “Don’t you want to know about me?”

“Wild guess” Digger said. “You run fast and punch stuff, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

“Glad we cleared that up,” Digger said. “Where’s the rook?”

“Who?” Whiz asked.

“He means Rev,” Angar said as he and Val exchanged an uneasy glance.

“He’ll be here soon,” Val said. “He…”

“There’s my guys!” Digger turned to see Curtis B. Rusk approaching, accompanied by a slim, petite blonde.

“Holy crap!” Digger said. “Fleming?”

“You two know each other?” Rusk asked, looking from Digger to the woman beside him.

“Hell, yeah,” Digger said. “She used to work for Playco.”

“Playco/Sunmarc,” Fleming corrected. “Until you got me fired.”

“I didn’t get you fired.”

“You blew up a mall while I was supposed to be babysitting you,” Fleming said.

“Just the food court,” Digger said. “And they should never have fired you for that, because it wasn’t your fault. I didn’t start that fight.”

“You never do,” Val said. “But you sure blow up a lot of stuff anyway, don’t you?”

“You knew that when you hired me,” Digger said.

“Yes, we did,” Rusk said. “Is this going to be a problem, you two working together?”

“Not for me,” Digger said. “Ask her.”

“I already know her answer,” Rusk said. “Did you think we wouldn’t have worked that out ahead of time?”

Digger looked confusedly from Rusk to Fleming, who stared at him silently. “But weren’t you just like… I mean, a second ago, weren’t you all, ‘do you two know each other?'”

Fleming’s mouth twisted into an odd kind of sneer. Angar snorted. And then everyone in the group burst into giggles. “Oh Digger, you should have seen your face,” Val said, ruffling his hair.

“So this was all a gag?” Digger asked. He looked to Fleming. “No hard feelings? Really?”

“I’m a professional,” she said, holding out her hand. Which wasn’t really an answer, but she was smiling, so Digger shook hands with her. Her smile barely wavered, but he felt her fingers avoid the scar tissue surrounding the Driller. Handshakes were always a tricky area for him, but sometimes they were the best revenge.

“So sorry we’re late, Curtis, but now that we’re here, what’s left to do?”

Rusk looked at his watch. “Actually, we were just about to wrap it up. We’d better be heading back. Rev will meet us at the restaurant for dinner.”

“Oh yeah, I was just asking, where is Rev?”

Rusk looked to Val. “You didn’t tell him?”

“I was just about to,” Val said. “Rev will be training with us tomorrow. He couldn’t get off work to join us today.”

“Oh, no, I am not hearing this,” Digger said.

“Rev has a secret identity,” Val said.